enter your email to know about new posts

Sunday, April 10, 2011


A few weeks I had this conversation about pretending, what brought it about was this walk I went for with a group of my friends, guys and girls. As we were walking the girls saw someone they used to know from high school but they kept walking on. It was one of the coldest things I had ever seen. They seemed like they had no idea who the other person was, the carbon dioxide in the air turned into dry ice and I knew the solution for global warming is simply putting girls who were once in high school together in the same room.

We were shocked, the men at least, this cold emotionless, pragmatic species were shocked, we refused at first to believe that this people actually knew each other then it hit us that girls don't pretend.

“if I didn't used to talk to her in high school why should I talk to her now?”

really? This is a valid viewpoint among the female society. When I see someone I knew from high school I will say hi. There are people I didn't talk to for all four years I was in a class with 80 people in all and I still didn' talk to them. The space between us was where conversation came to die, a laboured, painful yet awkwardly quiet death. But I see those guys now and I say hi. I stop to have a conversation and I know exactly how the conversation will go.

“sema it's been a while.”
“yeah, yeah 't has”

at this point conversation remembers to die and shows the first signs of death, desperate to resuscitate it because I have known this guy for so long I go to the standard small talk reserved for old high school friends. The kind of conversation that signals we should both look for a way out of standing there staring at each other.

“so what do you do nowadays?”
“jobo, jobo”
“eh, where?”(this is asked knowing you don't care the slightest it's just what's done)
-insert answer here, no-one ever remembers it anyway unless it's a shocking development(if someone was working for the Kenya Lightning and Power Company I would definitely remember)- this answer is followed up by a cursory “you, still at law school?”
“yeah I finish this sem so am almost done.”
“cool, cool(this is also done so nonchalantly you would think it was a Russian spy talking to you)”
“weh, I have to run”

End of conversation. That's it. That is a conversation I will have ten in the next 3 months with slight variations to speak in swa sometimes and ask about mutual friends. This is a burden men carry all the time, everywhere. And women just choose to cast it off.

They pass by each other without even a head nod. And I had to find out why.

Apparently women think there is something wrong with pretending, they act like it's some kind of plague when it is not. Lies are the oil that moves the world fullstop(i wrote it down for emphasis-the fullstop-)

If you have a moral aversion to it then don't do it. We stain our souls enough as it is but if you don't think it is a moral wrong (and I don't) then there is no problem with it. It makes people happy and the refrain to this was
“it's not my job to make people happy”

no it is not your job. But can there really be anything wrong with making people happy. I would do that for free, it makes me glad to know that someone's sense of self worth has been affirmed by an act I found meaningless and cost me five minutes of my time. That's not even saintly, it's lazy and it works. Do it for karma, do it so that someone does it to you one day. You may be walking around and all you need is a smile to make the day bearable and that scintilla of pretence, that isle of a lie will be all you need to make your day better.

Happiness is something that should be spread around like a lather if you can. It makes my life better for all involved. A smile raises the average rate of happiness in the world, so raise it. So I am asking you to pretend for someone today. Pretend you are happy to see them, pretend you care about their day, pretend that smile is for them. There really is nothing wrong with it.

I don't think that pretending makes you a worse person unless you are pretending about something that matters. If it will hurt someone to know that you pretended then don't. let them find out you were pretending. But this is such a small thing, a tiny inconsequential thing. If I found out that someone was pretending they cared about how my life is turning out when all the words we spoke to each other before this point could fit in a blog post I wouldn't be bothered. I wouldn't be angry. I would probably have been pretending too and my life will go on the same trajectory. When we meet again we'll pretend just as badly. Each seeing through the other's pretence and feeling their own, knowing the other person is thinking about the same thing. It's a moment of such awareness, it's like your environment is you in that moment. Forget about the moment even being deep because that's probably bullshit but it's simple. And it's not cold and cut like surgery, it's whole and organic. It's not beautiful by a long shot, its awkward and feels unnatural but it is really simple and one of these days it may actually mean something to someone. And even if it never does if someone I know passed me as coldly as girls do to each other that would mean something to me. I would write the person off as a bitch and truthfully even if you are who really wants to be thought of as a bitch?