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Monday, May 2, 2011

thoughts

I love talking to women, a large group of them or one on one, its such a window into this other life where things aren't as simple as they seem unless they are way less complicated than they make it look.

However being with more than one at a time and trying to have a conversation that flows organically there are a couple of things you have to be prepared for, guys don't mind silence and I personally love it, when its comfortable. I have had the other kind of silence where a word is stuck in your throat and it feels like a potato is in there scared to go back down yet unable to rise up. You have something funny, witty, clever or just amazingly prescient but then the silence mocks you towering over the appropriateness of the statement you have to say, sending it scurrying back down your throat. I hate that kind of silence and am not sure what to do about it. It happens with some people and I try to ignore it. Some people will sit next to me in a matatu, people I know even current classmates and I sit there hoping the seat next to me gets taken cos if this person takes it we are both in for some silence.

But there is the other kind of silence, where it just is. It's comfortable and enveloping, maybe that's when souls have conversations. I like that silence.

When you are sitting with a group of girls, especially if you're the only guy it would be important to carry something to think about. The way people carry books in their bags, carry a thought. Hold it in your head, hold it in your heart, hold it tight because you'll need it for 2 reasons;

1.mono-sex conversations.

Am not even sure that’s a word but it says what I want it to. Midway through hanging out with 2 girlfriends chances are they will lapse into conversation you have absolutely no interest in. You can handle this by asking them to be unisex which is good. It shows command and certainty. But you can't do it too much otherwise it starts to show neediness. What you need is something independent to think about so that you get lost in this jamboree of your own thoughts. I was in the middle of this jamboree when I was asked

“do you know a shop called beauty options?”

Knee-jerk reaction. This is a trick question. The place does not exist. So I said that and they nodded knowingly. Apparently its a really big shop. Its on Kimathi street. And that's why I have never seen it, Kimathi street being name after him has a statue of the only freedom fighter whose name we all know. He stands there tall and proud, carved out of stone with dreads to his knees and a rifle to his chin. Not in a suicidal pose but its a really long rifle. And he’s on an altar. An actual altar surrounded by a fence so you can't even touch him. Then down Kimathi street there is an assortment of electronic shops. There are a lot of the Sony shops with blue light seeping out into the day and huge TVs. Some are even 3d. On this street it would be the queer guy who actually saw beauty options.

Anyway for any conversation that may concern a place like beauty options it would be good to have carried some thoughts. The second reason is:

2.what are you thinking?

Remember the silence I mentioned earlier. Not the awkward where-is-my-phone-I-pretend-text kind of silence just the easy silence. The ocean in our heads kind of silence that people lapse into once in a while unless alcohol is in long supply. When you are with females and fall into this kind of silence you had better have something to think about. Because you will get asked.

Recently by some strange coincidence the thought I was having in the middle of one of these silences was “whenever am in this situation and silence stretches this long I get asked what i'm thinking of,” this thought was however interrupted by the question;

“what are you thinking of?”

It happens over and over again. One of my friends came up with the best explanation for the nothing that is men's brain's at that moment. You know when you have this amazing thought. A really good one, the kind you want to write down. The kind you just enjoy thinking about because it makes you feel more, just more. Then you forget the thought and you can't get it back. It has retreated into the deep recesses of your brain after realising you don't deserve to have a thought like that. And all you can remember about this thought is that it was really good. Really good. But its gone forever. It was too good to be true. The moment between the having of this thought and its disappearance. That abyss, that unconquerable crevasse where nothing lives. Guys can have that for minutes. Just sit and let the wind whistle through the brain making sounds like an old abandoned western town form one of those American movies that no one actually watched.

So carry a thought. Keep it because you will need it.