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Sunday, September 25, 2011

clearing chronicles volume 1

Clearing from the University of Nairobi~ the process by which a former student prepares to graduate~ is a bitch, its a rabid bitch that's suckling its young. in these chronicles i relay my adventures riding this bitch.

I cleared university a couple of months ago but in the University of Nairobi nobody is sure about graduation until they have a cap on their heads and their ears ring with congratulations. Also from time to time bad shit happens to me. To be honest I have been very lucky with grades and the furnishing of them. I lost almost all my assignments but still got nearly all my grades. In other places this is not remarkable in UoN it is damn near exceptional. Usually you  need to keep every assignment you ever get back since on the day results come out a problem will arise, someone somewhere will say that you did not submit course work or sit a cat and it's good on these days to have actual proof. Its also good to have proof of fees paid,people have been held back from graduation since the computer on which fee records is stored had a glitch, a glitch that can only be corrected by actual paper scripts with the details of payment writ in ink. I don't have any of these receipts either.

Despite all this I was on track to finish, to graduate until sep 23. this was the day the graduation list came out. I went to school and my name was not on the list, I wasn't alone, a lot of other people were in the same titanic sharing that sinking feeling, a lot of us shipmates went over to the office where this was to be sorted out.  I explained to the attendant that I was missing this one grade, she looked a the remarks written where the grade should have been and informed me that i was missing my answer booklet. My heart dropped. There are a thousand stories about the horror of not graduating that float around Nairobi university, , haunting the steps of each successive graduation class until paranoia is a daily pill. So while I had not heard of this happening before, I wasn't too shocked that it could. She was extremely helpful and went through the pile of booklets seeking mine. It was a huge pile and as she flipped through it my hope diminished more and more. I sat there scared she wouldn't find my paper. I sat there and imagined various worse case scenarios three for each paper she flipped past, I saw my graduation plans thrown in my face. A disheartening prospect. I tried to keep my mind off the fact that now she was down to ten, or so it looked. Now it's five and my heart beats faster and faster, now its three and cold sweats ran down my spine racing for absolution, now its two and I don't want to blink scared that I’ll miss my penultimate salvation, now its one and all I want is a smile on her face as she hands me the script. She flips through the last one and then flips through another,

You see I couldn’t see very well and as I was counting down to zero there were a number still in the pile. She goes through this too and comes up short.

I feel sad.

So sad all I want to do is sit somewhere and put my face to my palm, I want to sigh wistfully and allow myself to bat away tears. I want to get lost in my misery, allow myself some time to mourn since I think its healthy. But noone will let me be miserable, they insist on looking at the bright side. I don't get this though. Positive thinking is a very powerful tool. It changes dark clouds into sunshine and all that but I have always believed there is a time for everything. Right then I was sad and all I wanted to do was mourn. There were things I could do to help me get my paper, letters to write, people to meet, I could do all these things but I wanted to do them sad. Every one tried to cheer me up when I didn’t want it. Tomorrow is for hope I thought to myself,despair and depression deserve this one day.

Plus I had on these heavy boots, slughorns(this is probably not the meaning of the word slughorn but it seems to fit) that I slugged around all day. And my spiritual despondency soon  began to manifest itself physically. When I was depressed I couldn't lift a foot off the ground and all i did was drag them from here to there. Later I found purpose,  I knew what to do and where to go to start getting sorted and energy surged back into my feet. i di what i could and
I have a meeting with the dean on Monday here's hoping to high heaven it goes well otherwise...