Not till i thought to give words to thought did i find the words that gave thought to thought.
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Sunday, September 25, 2011
clearing chronicles volume 1
Clearing from the University of Nairobi~ the process by which a former student prepares to graduate~ is a bitch, its a rabid bitch that's suckling its young. in these chronicles i relay my adventures riding this bitch.
I cleared university a couple of months ago but in the
University of Nairobi nobody is sure about graduation until they have
a cap on their heads and their ears ring with congratulations. Also from time to time bad
shit happens to me. To be honest I have been very lucky with grades and the
furnishing of them. I lost almost all my assignments but still got nearly all my
grades. In other places this is not remarkable in UoN it is damn near
exceptional. Usually you need to keep every assignment you ever get back
since on the day results come out a problem will arise, someone
somewhere will say that you did not submit course work or sit a cat
and it's good on these days to have actual proof. Its also good to
have proof of fees paid,people have been held back from graduation
since the computer on which fee records is stored had a glitch, a
glitch that can only be corrected by actual paper scripts with the
details of payment writ in ink. I don't have any of these
Despite all this I was on track to finish, to graduate until sep 23.
this was the day the graduation list came out. I went to school and
my name was not on the list, I wasn't alone, a lot of other people
were in the same titanic sharing that sinking feeling, a lot of us
shipmates went over to the office where this was to be sorted out. I explained to the attendant
that I was missing this one grade, she looked a the remarks written
where the grade should have been and informed me that i was missing my answer
booklet. My heart dropped. There are a thousand stories about the
horror of not graduating that float around Nairobi
university, , haunting the steps of each successive
graduation class until paranoia is a daily pill. So while I had not
heard of this happening before, I wasn't too shocked that it could.
She was extremely helpful and went through the pile of
booklets seeking mine. It was a huge pile and as she flipped through
it my hope diminished more and more. I sat there scared she
wouldn't find my paper. I sat there and imagined various worse case
scenarios three for each paper she flipped past, I saw my graduation
plans thrown in my face. A disheartening prospect. I tried to keep my
mind off the fact that now she was down to ten, or so it looked. Now
it's five and my heart beats faster and faster, now its three and
cold sweats ran down my spine racing for absolution, now its two and
I don't want to blink scared that I’ll miss my penultimate salvation, now its
one and all I want is a smile on her face as she hands me the script.
She flips through the last one and then flips through another,
see I couldn’t see very well and as I was counting down to zero
there were a number still in the pile. She goes through this too and
comes up short.
I feel sad.
So sad all I want to do is sit somewhere and put my face to my palm,
I want to sigh wistfully and allow myself to bat away tears. I want
to get lost in my misery, allow myself some time to mourn since I
think its healthy. But noone will let me be miserable, they insist on looking
at the bright side. I don't get this though. Positive thinking is a
very powerful tool. It changes dark clouds into sunshine and all that
but I have always believed there is a time for everything. Right then
I was sad and all I wanted to do was mourn. There were things I could
do to help me get my paper, letters to write, people to meet, I could
do all these things but I wanted to do them sad. Every one tried to
cheer me up when I didn’t want it. Tomorrow is for hope I thought
to myself,despair and depression deserve this one day.
Plus I had on these heavy boots, slughorns(this is probably not the
meaning of the word slughorn but it seems to fit) that I slugged
around all day. And my spiritual despondency soon began to manifest itself
physically. When I was depressed I couldn't lift a foot off the
ground and all i did was drag them from here to there. Later I found
purpose, I knew what to do and where to go to start getting
sorted and energy surged back into my feet. i di what i could and
I have a meeting with the dean on Monday here's
hoping to high heaven it goes well otherwise...