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Wednesday, September 7, 2011


I don't believe in "the one."

This probably comes as no surprise to most people, after all how many people still believe in this romantic concept of one person in the world walking around half-completed just waiting to be found by them. How many people in the modern world are really ready to sacrifice so much of their independence? to have their one shot at happiness completely dependent on someone else? I don't think am a cynic . After all I don't think you can be happy without love, fulfilled without passion, satiated without lust but I also don't think you can be satisfied without struggle, content without conflict,pleased without blemishes.

Maybe it's all we see and read nowadays, no more romantic movies with the happily ever after tag, that died away as I was a child or even when it happens noone really buys that ending now all you find is realism, truth, grit and dark. I read a book called the Club Dumas by Arturo Perez-Reverte, it had this passage on the reality of happy endings at the end of movies

Nikon refused to accept that the hero might have drowned two weeks later  when his boat struck a reef in the Southern Hebrides. Or that the heroine was run over by a car three months later. Or that maybe everything turned out differently in a thousand different ways: one of them had an affair, one of them became bitter or bored, one of them wanted to back out. Maybe nights full of tears, silence and loneliness followed that screen kiss. Maybe cancer killed him before he was forty. Maybe she lived on and died in an old folks home when she was ninety. Maybe the handsome officer turned into a pathetic ruin, his wounds becoming hideous scars and his glorious battles forgotten by all. And maybe, old and defenceless, the hero and heroine suffered ordeals without the strength to fight or defend themselves, tossed this way and that by the storms of life, by stupidity by cruelty, by the miserable human condition.”

that was one of my favourite passages in the book which was awesome all through, but its not just art that makes me not believe in "the one", I look around me and I see all these people who put all their faith in this one moment, this one day when the bride puts on her white dress more to signify hope than purity nowadays and the truth is for all of that human beings disappoint, they can't help it, it's how we were made. An engine that knocks all the time. The engineer messed up and the place where petrol goes and water flows are so close to each other that all that happens is a stop at every start. But I don't think am cynical.

I don't believe in "the zero" either.

A lot of people do now, a lot more than the ones who believe in the one. The zero in my mind is that one last zero you add to your pay-check or your net worth, that last digit that propels you from ordinary to millionaire, from millionaire to billionaire. That last zero that means you no longer are one. That figure that puts you out of the hands of the desperate, that gives you security and stability, the extra one that means luxury and lavishness, the next one that brings the power to pull strings.

Its an eternal mantra that money doesn't bring happiness. People always say that money isn't everything to which I reply, "yer but it’s the first thing." I understand the power of money and its necessity, after all i can't even eat love considering the preceding paragraphs, but money isn't enough. Its important, its the oil in the engine but an engine needs petrol too. And then there are all the unhappy rich people in the world. Its no secret that the countries with the highest GDP also have the highest rates of suicide. Someone once told me that people get so bored not needing to do anything to feed themselves, they don't need to work or struggle, and soon their lives start to mean less and less when all that is needed is available and soon their minds go to dark places. They experience existential crises and have the time and inclination to examine them. They look at the universe as it is, they look at the specks of dust floating around and blink and see that disappear. They consider that that disappearance doesn't make a dent in their worlds and wonder if theirs will make a dent in any world and soon they disappear. They get depressed and tired, they lose interest in what's outside. And this is especially horrible when what's inside is also dark and twisty.

So I don't believe in the zero either.

But am not a cynic. Even with the loss of faith in both of the one stop shops that were hawked everywhere before I still think my life is going to turn out okay, I think I’ll be more happy than I’ll be sad, I think I’ll look back at the end of it and nod my approval. I believe that with the world in such a state of disarray, with the world telling us that happiness doesn't come from just one place, it's also whispering(if you can quiet yourself enough to hear) that happiness comes from many places. You can get a little of it from here and some more from over there. You can find joy in doing something  you are passionate about, you can find peace in the company of friends, you can find purpose in dedicating yourself to something you really care about, you can find meaning in yourself, in the things around you, the tiny things around you, rejoice in the beauty of a sunset or the magic of a child's smile. The small things or the big ones. You can find pleasure, immense satisfaction in seeing a project through to its end, in educating your children, in learning an instrument, in mastering a language.

What am trying to say is there are options. We don't all end up uber rich and not every one finds a love that makes life worth living and those who do invariably lose it. All ends whether its due to the imperfection of the human spirit or the mortality of the human form. But I prefer to live in a world that says there are a million of other things worth having that are worth striving for. I like a world that promises me continual eternal stimulation, a world that tells me even if the love of my life leaves me for the love of hers I can still go on because happiness may well be around the next corner, so I don't think i am a cynic.

but that's just me.


  1. I believe that life is beautifully awesome and if I find someone I can share my experiences with that would be a lovely bonus...

    I also believe there can be several 'the ones' for someone in a lifetime...different men/women love differently and some will leave you a little wiser, others a little richer...

    In a nutshell, I totally agree with you. There are endless possibilities, and it all comes down to how an individual chooses to see & live life

  2. I think that this romantic concept is really common in my people because they miss love family or somethings related !