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Friday, September 7, 2012

eat!!


It’s not every day you hear a story about cannibals, well it was not every day when I heard this gem;

so, some friends of mine went with these guys we didn’t know to smoke some weed. They just left us there and greed is not good (this as far as I could tell was the moral of the story). As they are walking along to the guy’s place one of them confesses saying You see in our shags there are cannibals. ” Of course everyone starts laughing at this point because no one really believes this of Africa especially Africans, every story about cannibals I ever heard was a myth or a fable about addiction. The story goes on.

anyway my friends get to their place and they start smoking. As the blunt is being passed back and forth the story goes on, the guys tell them that cannibals have to be very careful when picking their victims. First they try to befriend you, they look for something you have in common, a shared hobby and then they start to do this thing with you. Says one guy as he takes a puff of the blunt and passes it to my friend.” This is the point in the horror movie where it seems magic exists, not explicitly but the lights have been turned down and the shadows are longer. A finger stretches far off into the distance and a shiver of fear can turn into a tremble of terror when the dark invites itself in to play with your mind. Plus marijuana has notoriously, hilariously paranoiac effects. All a policeman has to do to catch someone who’s been smoking is show up and look for the person who’s shifty and shifty eyed. The one who would rather look into the sun than into a badge.

It is at this point that someone joins the group of us listening and without any preamble is thrown into the story.

and these guys have all these details about killing people. One of them takes out a cooking pot and begins to cut tomatoes and onions, puts the water to boil as another tells them that the reason for the befriending is that you can’t just kill a person any which way if you want to make a meal of it. You can’t poison them because if you do that you’ll end up eating poisoned meat, you can’t drown them because the organs will become bulgy and distended, and you can’t stab them just anywhere because blood flow can mess up the meat. All this time there’s a guy there cutting up tomatoes, chopping onions putting water to boil, this blunt is going round and round and round as the story goes on.”

This is definitely the part in the movie where you shout at everyone to run. It may be a joke and if it is it’s a pretty elaborate joke. Someone else walks in to hear this jewel of a sentence

it’s not that easy to prepare a human body and eat it.”
He says, “I am not sticking around for any more of this conversation” and walks right out.

And I think we should follow him.