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Thursday, March 14, 2013

ten pope commandments

First off no disrespect meant by this to the pope and all the catholic faithful, i hope your reign is beneficial for the world and i understand that the church's place in providing peace, joy, happiness, purpose and relief from suffering is immeasurable.

Second, borrowed the rhythm and most of the words from Biggie Smalls, my skills have nothing on him. They are a pale, pale shadow.

That said this is to the tune of the ten crack commandments.

I’ve been in this life for years, it made me an adult
There’s rules to this thing, let’s not make it just a cult
Here’s a step by step booklet for you to get
Your game on track not your hat pushed back

Rule nombre uno: never let no one know
How much, dough you hold, cause you know
Means a lot of us still think you maf-ya

Number two: never let em know your next move
Don't you know relligions works best in silence not violence
Take it from your highness (uh-huh)
I done seen mystery used to draw in the converts and supplicants

Number three: never trust no-bo-dy
Your butler will sell your documents if he’s properly motivated 
Either  for that fast buck, or genuine idealism
Soon you’ll be lying in the Vatican, ready to start quittin’

Number four know you heard this before
never deny no  sex scandals

Number five, kiss the ground where you land at
It’s been shown that people around the world love that

You think a sinner paying you back? Forget it

Seven. This rule is so underrated
Keep family and church completely separated
Even if that family is foreign Remember the lessons of AnneBoleyn
Or you’ll have yourself a brand new church

Number eight: papal armies lead to a fall
The kingdom be spiritual not temporal

Number nine should have been number one to me
Save infallibility until you have to
If people think you dictating they ain’t trying to listen
They’ll be getting with other doctrines ready to start switchin’

Number ten,  strong word called the schism
Strictly for big feuds not  easily forgiven
If you don’t got full backing don’t excommunicate

Follow these rules and you’ll have mad bread to break up,
If not that 1.2 B will start to dry up
With a  brand of fire faith you can’t match up
charisma and fire and brimstone 
Have them three decades your stronghold is long gone
And the next time we have a conclave
rutrum ad papam. Francis